A Big Strong Puck

Chapter 1

Naomi

“The flowers will be for the viewing.”

“Roses would make such love—”

“No roses. I want daffodils and tulips. Those were her favorites.”

Cathy nods to me from behind the counter of her flower shop before turning away to show me arrangement options. But as she turns, I catch the look of sympathy in her eyes.

I’m trying not to get irritated with everyone telling me they’re sorry for my loss, but it’s hard. That's all I’ve heard since my mother passed away yesterday. And in my small hometown of Bloomfield, New York, it’s going to happen with everyone I talk to until well after the funeral.

A memory springs up as I look at the pale pink tulips.

‘Don’t you just love the way the tulips bring out our skin tone? See, look. The pastels make our skin look like a soft, velvety brown. Especially the pink tulips. That’s why they’re my favorite.’

I smile at the memory, still able to see her brown eyes smile at me and the kindness in her face. She used to tell me that every time we pruned her garden.

“Miss Smith?”

I turn and see one of my students enter the flower shop. I’ve been busy since my sabbatical and haven’t seen any of them.

“Oh, hello, Ginny. How are you?”

“Good.” The girl smiles, but her eyes say the same thing Cathy’s had.

I hate people feeling bad for me. Not only does it bring unwanted attention, but my heart is reminded of what I’m trying so hard to avoid. And one of my students reaching out is almost too much to take.

I clear my throat and call out to Cathy. “You know what, I’ll come by and pick up the arrangements later. You just go with the best choice you think Mom would’ve wanted.”

I need air.

“Well, it was good to see you, Ginny. Don’t be too hard on the sub.”

I go to leave, but she calls me back with a question I don’t want to answer.

“Miss Smith, will you be coming back to finish out the year?”

I give a heavy sigh and force myself to face the sweet girl. “Uh, no. I’m afraid it’s not looking like that. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. We understand.”

It’s all I can do to keep the tears at bay and nod.

Stepping out of the shop into the warm air of my familiar hometown is enough to calm me down and take a cleansing breath.

I head towards the funeral home. I left my car at the grocery store when I first came into town because I knew it was the center of everywhere else that I needed to go.

Looking at the ground, not wanting to acknowledge the familiar faces that drive past me on Main Street, I begin to think what life would be like if I had actually moved away from this small town and ventured out.

Or if Cash had asked me to come with him…

I brush that away bitterly. By no means did I expect to stay here like so many of us do, but I wanted to be close to family.

Family.

Now I don’t even have that. My brother’s too busy with his big fancy job to give us more than a day or two here and there.

I feel myself growing angrier as I swing open the funeral home doors.

Dammit, Geoff. Why do you always piss me off?

Because he’s your brother, I remind myself.

Yes, he’s been here throughout our mom’s illness, but per usual, I’m the one left doing everything. And God knows that if I wasn’t here, nothing would be getting done.

Then again, that’s why I’m still here and he’s not. I stayed to be close and help Mom and now I’m permanently stuck in that role.

My heart tightens with grief suddenly as I remember that my mom’s not here anymore to need my help.

The grief I’ve been trying to avoid since yesterday builds into my throat.

“Miss Smith? Are you here to make the final arrangements for the viewing?”

I clear my throat at the funeral director’s voice. Dabbing my eyes quickly to erase the evidence of tears, I turn to face him with my practiced false smile.

“Yes. Yes, I am.”

I find myself letting my tea grow cold as I wait for Geoff to arrive at the diner.

Mindlessly re-dunking my teabag, I can’t help but wonder what the hell I’m going to do when there’s nothing left to distract myself with.

“Hey, sis. How are you doing?” Geoff asks as he sits down in front of me.

“That’s a dumb question,” I can’t help but reply.

The waitress stops by for his order.

“Hey, Mary. I’ll need a coffee and a burger loaded with fries, please.”

“Absolutely. You still good, sweetie?”

I look up and see Mary, the long-time waitress at the diner who used to seat us when we would come in with our mom. And there it is, the ‘I’m sorry’ look glazed over her old gray eyes.

I nod.

When Mary leaves, Geoff gives me a look.

“Did you already eat?”

“No.”

“Well, come on. You must be starving.”

“No, really. I’m not. Been a little too preoccupied trying to get everything done.” I can hear the resentment in my voice, which means Geoff hears it too.

“I know. And I appreciate you taking care of things. I’ve been busy.”

“You’re always busy,” I snap in a hushed tone. I’ve been holding it together all day and now I have the perfect outlet. My successful brother.

“Hey, don’t get pissy with me just because I had the balls to get out of this town and do something.”

“You don’t think I wanted to? Someone had to be here for Mom. And just for the record, I’ve made something of myself.”

I can tell he’s annoyed, but I don’t care right now. I want to pick a fight.

“Come on, Naomi. Mom didn’t need you then. It was just the easier option.” Geoff blows off my look and defensive words as if they are nothing more than an annoying fly.

“Easy for you to say! You were already gone.” I’m trying to keep my voice low since we know almost everyone in here. I don’t need it getting back to the school that their history teacher threw a fit in the middle of the diner.

“Listen,” Geoff whispers. He leans in, obviously trying to get me to follow his example. “You could’ve left too. Mom was okay then. And you can’t hate me forever for being busy. Being a financial manager in New York doesn’t come without lots of overtime.”

“You want me to feel bad for you for making a shit ton of money and never coming home?”

“You’re the one who wanted to become a teacher. You can’t hate me for every choice you’ve made.”

My defenses are high with Geoff. “What does that mean? You think I’m unhappy being a teacher because I’m not a rich asshole like my big brother?”

I scoff and lean back to fold my arms.

“Everything still good here?” Mary asks with a hint of nosy concern as she hands Geoff his plate.

“Yes, thank you Mary.”

She hesitates before leaving but knows better than to linger. Thank God.

“Naomi, I know you resent me for not being here more, especially when Mom got sick. I regret it too, but there was nothing more that I could have done that you weren’t already doing.”

“You could’ve been here.” The words come out a little choked. I know the wall is down and I can’t stop the tears that are already sliding down my face.

“I was here.” I can hear the tired agitation in his voice.

“Yeah, when it was convenient for you.”

“Seriously, Naomi?”

“I’ve been here doing everything. Just like I have always done while you’re away,” I snap. I know he’s been here, but right now it feels like I’ve done everything, and he just gets to ride the sympathy wagon.

Instead of bantering back at me, Geoff grabs my hand and holds it tight.

“I know. I’m glad I got to see her when I did, but I can never thank you enough for being with her the whole time. I know that meant the world to her. I hope you know that.”

I take a painful swallow as I try to push out a gasp for breath as more tears force their way down my cheeks. All I can do is squeeze his hand.

Finally regaining a little bit of control, I pull my hand from my brother’s and offer a small, but genuine smile.

“Thank you for saying that. I needed to hear it. And I’m sorry for lashing out, it’s just been stressful. I know you were here when you could be.”

“And I’m here now. Was the hospice care at least worth it? She seemed comfortable when I saw her a couple weekends ago.”

I nod, remembering Mom’s feeble look on her last day. Happy, but feeble.

“That’s good. Listen, I’m gonna help with the rest you have to do today, but I need to tell you one thing.” Geoff looks hesitant.

“What?”

“I told Cash about Mom. He’s going to come to pay his respects. He’s on his way now.”

As if this week couldn’t get any worse.

“What? You invited the ex who left me in the dust to our mother’s funeral? And you’re just now telling me?”

“Shh,” Geoff hushes me. “He’s still my friend, Naomi. Before he was your ex. And he didn’t leave you behind. We were a year older and had to go to college. I just wanted to give you a heads up since I know you’re still a little—”

“Oh no, I’m fine. It’s fine. Thanks for being so generous and telling me,” I say with heavy sarcasm. “Listen, we gotta go. I have to get the funeral set up at the gymnasium and set the times.”

We get up from our table and walk to the school in silence. I know my mind should be focused on getting things ready, but now I can’t seem to shake that at any moment, I might see the ex that broke my heart and left me behind.

He’ll be here in this town today, and wanting to see Geoff. And since it’s our mother that passed, I’ll be there too.

I don’t think I’m ready for that.